Saturday, January 23, 2010

I HATE THIS $^q@$!@#$#&*##!@! PAIN

I am exhausted.

This is the second night in a row that I haven't been able to sleep because multiple sources of pain are raging out of control, each aggravating and amplifying the others so badly that they've now formed a chorus that's drowned out 80mg of Oxycontin, 30mg of oxycodone, 12.5 mg of Ambien CR, and a Vicodin ES.

I want nothing more than to close my burning eyes and escape to the land of sleep where these monsters have a harder time reaching me. But escape is too elusive. My back is screaming at the top volume where the T5 disc and vertebra is being crushed as the ten fused vertebrae directly above succumb to gravity's pull and bear down with all their might. The left shoulder and upper arm are a fireworks display of all manner of neuro pain that bursts forth randomly -- broken glass being ground in to the underside of the arm; hot, hair thin needle clusters driven into the cold, stinging, burning of the left arm pit; the large needle probing my left scapula as it tries to suck the marrow from deep within the bone; hot, electrified knitting needles that thrust upward from the bed into the right hip, triggering bursts of current that travel down the hamstring and explode in the knee; the maddening, ever present itch on my upper left arm, a phantom mosquito bite that never goes away and can never be relieved no matter how vigorously it's scratched; the deep, slow burn within my right shoulder, a reminder that the arm is no longer in the socket; and the hot, burning ache of overworked, exhausted biceps and triceps coupled with a badly knotted trapezius muscle caught in a frenzy of myclonic spasms that are going off, every two seconds or so and could last for hours.

I HATE THIS $^q@$!@#$#&*##!@! PAIN.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Just to say than someone is listening.