I’ve Had it With…(A Collection of Mini-Rants)

…my bowels. (Nothing like starting with way too much information.)  People with spinal cord damage have to devote way too much time to making sure their bowels behave.  After a long period of trial and error, I’d finally found a perfect formula for pooing -- a delicate balance of fiber and water, probiotics, stool softeners and prunes was working brilliantly for me.  And then I started taking a new med that causes constipation, and suddenly I’m back to square one.  No one should have to spend so much time and energy on shit.

…seeing my beloved HipHubby in pain.  His back is fried because he has to help haul my dysfunctional body and heavy wheelchair all over the place.  We’re having a hell of a time trying to get him pan relief because there are so many drug seekers out there claiming back pain, and because doctors just don’t/won’t understand that taking a one hour class on proper lifting techniques won’t relieve his back spasms or help us determine if there are alternatives to the way we currently do transfers, etc. that might be less damaging to his well-being.  It kills me to see him in pain 24/7 and know I am the cause behind it.

…people who complain of being in unbearable pain who claim they’ve tried *everything* when they haven’t.  It’s getting harder and harder to hold my tongue when people go on and on in one breath about how out of control their pain levels are, and in the next tell you that they’re “just not ready to”  or “don’t want to” try opioids, or can’t take X drug because it causes an annoying side effect that they don’t like.  Seriously, if you’re really hurting that bad, you’ll be willing to try anything, or put up with the dry mouth/constipation/drowsiness some meds cause, to get even a modicum of relief from the pain. 

…the Water and Power Authority of the US Virgin Islands.  This last week, we had SEVEN power outages in four days.  SEVEN.  Thankfully, they were mostly short-lived, but there’s no reason at all the electricity should be going out that many times on bright sunny days, especially since we pay so much for the power we do get.

…people who really believe that the reason other people don’t like them is because “they’re just jealous.”  That goes double for those who think others are out to get them because they’re so beautiful.  It‘s not jealousy -- people genuinely don‘t like you, probably because you’re obnoxious in some way.  Stop relying on the self-esteem preserving excuse your Mommy used to protect her precious baby’s ego and start taking a long, hard look at yourself to find out just what it is that makes you so unlikable to so many people.  Everyone will be better for it.

…six episode cable TV seasons.  It’s annoying when a show airs its season finale the month after its season premiere, then disappears off the broadcast schedule for 10-12 months.

…writer’s block.  I have so much to say -- why the heck can’t I think of any of it when I sit down at my keyboard?

…the Medicare Prescription Drug Plan donut hole.  For those who aren’t familiar with it, this little bit of public policy BS is a gap in prescription drug benefits that requires people on Medicare to pay ~$4600 out of pocket in drug costs before catastrophic drug coverage kicks in.  I burn through my initial benefits and fall into the donut hole by mid-March, when I have to cough up close to $1700/month for my medications.  ($1100 of that pays for just two prescriptions, the OxyContin I take for pain, and Advair, which I just started on again after three good years without it after my breathing took a turn for the worse last month.)

…not being able to sleep.  I’m so tired all of the time anymore it’s ridiculous.

“Hey Hon” List #1: Best TV Characters We’ve Never Seen

My darling hubby and I are movie and TV trivia nuts. Our fascination with this absolutely useless information (unless one is a contestant on Jeopardy) often takes the form of challenges to develop the most comprehensive lists of answers within a specific category -- the one who adds the most or contributes the last answer before our brains are picked clean is claims the trivia god/goddess title until the next match plays itself out.

One of our earliest challenges, best TV characters we’ve never seen, was triggered by a rerun of “Cheers” -- Norm’s wife Vera became the first name on the list and we were off and running. Here’s what I remember of the answers we came up with. I’m sure there’s more that I’ve forgotten in the years since we played this category out, so I’m counting on all of the other TV aficionados to help me rebuild the list and make it better than it was before. (Please include both the character name and the name of the show.)

Look for more of our Hey Hon lists to come.

Best Never Seen TV Characters

• Vera Peterson (Norm’s wife) – Cheers
• Carlton the Doorman – Rhoda
• Orson (Mork’s superior) – Mork and Mindy
• Ugly Naked Guy – Friends
• Tino – My So-Called Life
• Maris (Nile’s wife) – Frasier
• Morty Fine (Fran’s father) – The Nanny
• Stanley Walker (Karen’s husband) – Will & Grace
• Al’s mother – Home Improvement
• Charles Townsend – Charlie’s Angels
• Dr. James Wilson’s wife – House**
• Mrs. Columbo – Columbo
• Lars (Phyllis’ husband) – The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Phyllis
• Mr. Bell (Drew’s original boss) – The Drew Carey Show
• Bud (Nurse Thor’s husband) – E/R (1984)
• Epstein’s Mother – Welcome Back, Kotter
• Louise Burns (wife of Major Frank Burns) – M*A*S*H
• Laverene (Klinger’s wife) -- M*A*S*H
• Hawkeye’s Father -- M*A*S*H
• Anoria (Charles Emerson Winchester’s sister) -- M*A*S*H
• Killer (Geraldine’s boyfriend) – The Flip Wilson Show
• Any Adults – Peanuts/Charlie Brown specials
• Vern (friend of Ernest P. Worrell) -- Hey Vern, It's Ernest!

**Removed from the list on 5-17-07. Character appeared on the show during the May sweeps.

Musings on the X-Files

Last night I saw the episode of the X-Files in which Scully gets cancer and undergoes radiation and chemo therapy. I was really surprised at how deeply I was affected by watching the radiation treatment. Brought up too many memories of my own six weeks getting blasted by gamma radiation in the hopes that it kill off any cancer cells that remained in my cervical spinal cord (it didn’t – the tumor was back the next year). It’s not that the treatments were that bad overall beyond losing my voice for a month and having a chronically sore throat for ten weeks or so. The memories of that period in my life forced me to take a look at everything I’ve been through because of that cancer, and it was one of those nights when reliving all that makes me sad and so very tired.

One other bit from that episode brought the tears flowing. My mom died about two years ago. She was the driving force in my life, the person who got me through all of the medical crap and other challenges I faced, like the six month battle to get my insurance company to buy me my first wheelchair. (They didn’t, but that’s a rant for another time. When I was 15, she talked me out giving up the fight to carry on the night I lay in the hospital completely paralyzed from the neck down after my second surgery to remove the cancerous tumor that had now moved up and invaded my brainstem. I miss my mom in ways that words cannot describe. It was very, very hard watching Dana Scully’s mom come to her hospital room and give Scully a big hug. My mom died before I could get a flight to Michigan when she was taken to the hospital for the last time, so the last time I got to hug my mom was October 9, 2003, when she visited me and the hubby in our Virgin Islands home.

On a happier X-Files note, I just adore the Lone Gunmen. Sure, they weren’t strong enough to carry an hour show on their own, but their interaction and relationship with Fox Mulder – not to mention they’re the ultimate techno-geeks – was solid gold TV viewing.

Final note on the X-Files. It’s bothered my for a long time that somehow the character formerly known as Cancer Man became known as Cigarette Smoking Man. For a while I was beginning to think that maybe Cancer Man was just a nickname that I had made up but never actually appeared in the show. I finally found some other folks who also remember the name, and saw proof in the show that Cancer Man was the original character name (e.g. tonight’s episode referred to Cancer Man even though the audio from Mulder didn’t say anything more than “our friend”), so instead of thinking I made it up, I’m now pondering about the dramatic change. As is appropriate for a files junkie, I believe the conspiracy theory that says the tobacco industry strong-armed Chris Carter and Fox network execs, possibly even paying the network a bucketful of cash, to make the change so that the show would stop telling the truth about the direct link between cigarettes and cancer. Ironic for a show whose tagline is, “The truth is out there”, dontcha think?

(Written on March 10, 2007)